At the beginning of the week I pull a card to reflect and write on, either publicly or privately. It becomes part of my meditation as I find my week's footing, and (as a practice) it has never steered me wrong. This week, we pulled THE ASKING from The Woven Wisdom Oracle Especially as we head into a New Moon in Taurus on Tuesday, we're called to set intentions and examine our basest needs, reprioritize and realign with them. It's not just about having needs; Taurus is especially associated with the throat, larynx, vocal chords... which are all associated with communication of those needs as well. So, INTENTION: SET! NEEDS: KNOWN! Now, how's that communication piece? No, I'm not attacking you-- I'm genuinely asking. If your answers range from "I'm working on it," to "All set, let's go!" That's awesome, because this is a perishable skill: the habit of ASKING requires intention and attention, constant assessment and reevaluation otherwise the skill itself will fall by the waste side. But that first vocalization of need tends to send chills down people's spines- mine included! Why is advocating for ourselves and our needs so intimidating? The problem is in the vulnerability of asking. In American culture particularly, having needs is seen often stigmatized. Needs are often perceived as synonymous with being a burden, taking up time, space, energy of other people.... things many people try to avoid across the board when interacting with others. This falls short of recognizing our own humanity: humans need things, and that has to be okay. At most basic levels, we need food, shelter, and security. At "higher" or "deeper" levels, humans look for validation, acknowledgement, belonging. In communicating our needs to people who are important to us, we risk those needs being diminished or rejected when those important people prioritize their own desires over our needs. If a person is risk-averse That STINKS! If our needs are rejected, what else are they rejecting? This was (at first) paralyzing to me, but followed by an important realization: they can be as upset about the ASKING as they'd like, a need is still a need. Your needs are valid, and it's important that you make sure they are met and honored not just by you, but by others. By asking, and making it possible for people to say no, we also make it possible for them to say YES. Communicating needs and asking for boundaries is not only necessary-- it's the only way people CAN say yes and enthusiastically care for you. You deserve that care and respect from other people, and they can only access it if you give them permission to do so. By communicating our truths, we're encouraged to look at points of conflict or contention and sort them out so we can live harmoniously and all needs are met. So, this week, practice asking. If this is new or uncomfortable, use the following frame work to practice:
What do you need?
By when (or for how long)?
How (ideally) would this take form?
The phrase "I need space" is a great example. Sometimes things get overwhelming or interpersonal relationships need to breathe, but this as a communication doesn't tell the other person what your need is, what it is rooted in, or how they can choose to support you (or get out of your way!) Using this frame work, "I need space" can change to "I am overwhelmed and having a hard time prioritizing in my work and personal life. I need space for at least the next week so I can refocus so I can practice personal care. Can I call you when I'm in a better headspace to talk or hang out?" If you get pushback, then stick to your needs. "I understand you want to talk more, but I need to take care of myself, and I appreciate you helping me do that by giving me space to refocus and take care of myself." Practice this. In the comments below and using the provided framework, ask for one thing from yourself, and one thing from another person. Don't worry! I'm here, and I've got you. Just like we were talking on yesterday's live broadcast in The Woven Wanderers, AFTER you ask those two questions, write down one DAYDREAM: what would be the coolest thing to have happen, in this next month? We do this as a reward (how cool would that be?!) and also because dreams are a way of asking from yourself, then seeing where your needs and desires take you. You just have to give yourself permission to ask, need, and dream. See you in the comments! --Siren